It is the thread that should not be pulled, the box that cannot be opened.
It has collapsed in on itself, like the star burning in your favourite part of the night sky.
But it will be no supernova, the farewell will not consume other stars.
It’ll leave, small and dignified, excusing itself quietly and slipping out into the dark.

more things I have learnt.

for someone to see your ugliness and still love you will make you realise that the moon and stars aren’t the most wonderful thing in the universe. there is a beauty in those who walk towards the world with open arms

the greatest cruelty is the heart choosing someone who does not choose you back. continue to choose anyway

the people we love become a part of ourselves. my hands and nose and collarbones are no longer my own, I’ve taken them from someone else and they’ve taken mine in return

make friends so that it will take you twenty minutes to walk one block on smith street. your heart will love you forever

everyday the earth rotates one full circle. it always brings me back to you

 

 

Why must I fall in love with everyone who looks me in the eye and says my name slowly, letting it dance over their tongue first?
When they touch my waist and I can still feel the weight of their hand hours later.
They say the heart skips a beat but it’s more like you opened my chest and took it, saying “this is mine now.”

I feel like someone’s pried open my chest with a crowbar. They’ve broken in and taken everything that matters and all I’ve been left with is this hollow shell.
These words are smudging. Am I crying? I don’t know anymore.
Does form follow function? If I look okay will I be okay?
Or should I bleed publicly, standing on a pedestal in the middle of town peeling off layer by layer of skin, with a sign around my neck saying, “this is who I am. please still love me.”

things I have learnt.

someone saying “I was hoping to see you” will make your day. so say it to others as well

life is too short for a bad cup of tea or burnt toast. make it again

you will learn a lot about yourself when travelling alone. it is freeing and necessary but you will also realise how integral companionship is. having to take your suitcase into the bathroom cause there’s noone to watch it will start to break your heart

there’s no such thing as soulmates. love is a choice

but choose to love a lot of people. surround yourself with them. learn to let them love you back
NB. only be in love with one person

seeing someone’s eyes light up when they see you is beautiful. it will break your heart when it stops

but you will be okay

 

A boy I was seeing would run without music and that terrified me. I wonder what it’s like not to be scared of your own thoughts.
I feel safest in galleries, airports, museums and on trains. The anonymous, in-between places.
I broke off a leaf cause it was soft and I liked the way it felt. Being broken made it hard. I’m trying not to read into it.