Does anyone else find the fact that there are so many couples out there in the world completely astounding? Mind-boggling? Seemingly impossible? The concept that so many of the people out there in the universe found someone who they liked, was nice to look at, had the right sense of humour and was also physically attractive. And that that person thought the same thing about them.
Suzanne Collins had it right. “May the odds be ever in your favour”. Because honestly, the likelihood of that, in both my opinion and experience, is small. Yet I look around me, and feel somewhat surrounded by couples.
And I wonder. I really do. Have people compromised on some of their wants for a man? Because it’s not like I’m looking for anything specific. Just a guy who knows how to surf, who comes from money, and is rich. But also loves the Lord. And is willing to do this whole waiting thing. And on top of that, finds me to be the kind, beautiful, funny and attractive female that I clearly am not. I don’t think I’m asking for much. So how in the world have you others managed to pull this off?
This isn’t me being bitter. The purpose of this post that at first looks like a rant about being alone but then you realise it isn’t even that it’s just words, is twofold:
1. To all of the people that make a up a couple. Do not take each other for granted. From where I’m standing, you guys have won the lottery. Finding someone you love who loves you, who you’re compatible with, whose willing to deal with your flaws and still sing your praises high. Every day know that you are living what us mere mortals, and by that I mean single folk, find to be the miracle existence. Try and treat it with the respect and honour it deserves.
2. To all you fellow mere mortals out there, I could hit you with a bunch of clichés. Ones that I repeat to myself every night to ward off the evil demons. Or I could tell you to watch Blue Valentine over and over until you think that while love is 100% real because oh my goodness that chemistry, sometimes it will break your heart like it broke mine because why can’t Ryan Gosling be mine, even if its slightly older/fatter/mutton chops Ryan Gosling. But seriously, based on the fact that a bunch of other, no offense, non-perfect humans have done it, surely we’ll be able to pull it off.
And maybe one day, I’ll find a guy who ticks all the boxes, or maybe he won’t, as long as he makes Mum a Grandma (I joke), and I’ll look back and say to myself, “ahhhhh, I understand.” Like how you have to see the whole of Inception before you start analysing it. Or maybe I won’t. Maybe God’s destined me to be the next Mother Teresa. Bring nunneries back. Create a fashionable chastity belt.
Either way, I will always look at this time of extreme doubt about what I bring to the table as a female, and whether I’m pretty enough, and why oh why do I always say the wrong thing, with love and nostalgia. Because I have utilised this time of occasional soul-crushing loneliness to further my existence. I have got to dedicate myself to being a good friend and housemate. To live somewhat selfishly, doing whatever I want, when I want (going to bed at 9.30PM without having to have some cute convo with a boy that goes all hours into the night). My time as a single person, forever, has shaped who I am. It has made me the somewhat strong and independent person that I am. Confident in my personality, in my ability to be alone.
And I know that love is real, I see it every day (Sarah and Hamish you guys are gross but I love you too). Sometimes it’s hard not to marvel/lament over the fact that it seems so bloody unattainable. But at the end of the day, just having it as something to strive for, to be surrounded by, is kinda nice.
And at the end of the day, if I’m ever having a crisis of singledom, I like to recite an ancient Australian proverb.
She’ll be right.