i think i’ve fallen in love.

I think I’ve fallen in love with myself. Which sounds horribly narcissistic, but it’s not. Really it’s not. I am currently at work, and wearing nothing on my face but coconut oil and a lick of mascara. Two years, or even just one year ago, that would have made me self conscious and awkward and embarrassed. Planning ways to duck home and put a bit of slap on. And this isn’t one of those “I fell in love with my skin and now I think i’m a goddess” type spiels. I think it’s indicative is all. The fact that I am now comfortable with letting people see what I really look like. The freckles. The pimples. The different levels of tan because I apparently don’t know how to evenly spread sunscreen. The fact that I don’t feel like I need to make myself look a step closer to flawless (still a very far away goal). The fact that I’m comfortable with the way my genetic make up dictates. That I’m happy for people to see (prepare for a cliche) the real me.

Because falling in love with yourself is the best thing you can ever do. And it’s a work in progress. Only over the past couple of years have I thought of myself properly well. But now, I think I’m slowly rising to the next level. Because I’ve been in love before. Maybe it’s because the love was never requited that I never really loved myself. But that’s a whole other topic. When you love someone, you love every part of them. Even the stuff that is generally considered a flaw. The gap in their teeth: so cute. The way they absentmindedly tap the table (usually so annoying) is the most adorable thing anyone has done in the existence of time. The way they laugh and snort at your jokes makes you feel like you’re on cloud nine. Apparently I even find being a complete asshole and not nice person attractive at times. Slays me.

My point is, all the things we would find as flaws if the tables were turned, are the things we find attractive. The things that endear us to them. What we point to when asked what we like. We find them, holistically, the most beautiful thing in the world. They are greater than the sum of their parts.

And thats why we need to love ourselves. Really and truly. I mean like, we need to have a low-key crush on ourselves. Because that’s the only sane way to get through life. Because, on some very sad days, we will be the only ones that love us. And that’s what gets us through. We see our flaws as endearments (though if your flaw is something like hating every human being, you should probably work on changing that one).

What i’m saying is, I think i’ve fallen in love with myself. And its so absolutely freeing. It takes me two minutes to get ready in the morning. Slap on some coconut oil, and spend the rest of the morning reading. I can go to the movies alone without fearing the judgement of the couples there (be warned: there are a lot of couples). I can go through my days and weeks and years alone, not worrying what inherently wrong thing there is in my make up of me.

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